Tamaranean Rhapsody
by Saint H
Summary: To the Mall of Shopping! With Robin out of town, Starfire needs someone to mall crawl with, Cyborg volunteers. He has no idea what he's got himself into. Just was does she do at all those trips to the mall?


"_Just what does she do at all those trips to the mall?"

* * *

_

The bass line kicked hard in the T-Car as Cyborg drove down the street, random passerby erupting in a veritable orgasm of fandom.

Starfire usually would've been one to indulge in being her sweet self to the public but she was currently too excited at the prospect of going to the mall.

To take the edge off she was singing along with Shaggy off Cyborg's CD.

"-Shorty you're my angel, you're my darlin' angel-"

She continued, Cyborg looked across to her and couldn't help but smile.

She sounded odd doing it, her linguistics were vastly improved but you could still tell English wasn't her native language. Nevertheless she still sang well, and it was an impossibly cute image seeing the innocent alien princess bouncing along to rap.

Granted, lighter rap, but still rap.

Now, usually Robin would be the one escorting the alien angel to the mall, but he was out of town. Something to do with the Batman. But after a few days of being stuffed up in the Tower, Starfire had practically begged everyone to go to the mall with her.

Beast Boy refused on account of the fact he was absorbed into his newest video game. Raven had refused outright. When Cyborg asked her why, she simply responded with, _"Never again, Cyborg. Never. Again."_

So Cyborg had accepted when the offer came to him, sending the fiery girl into a fit of joy.

"Cyborg." She spoke as the song ended, "We are listening to your chosen music now, correct?"

Cyborg shrugged, "Yea, this is good stuff. What about it?"

"Well, not that your 'tunes' are not pleasant to the ears, but on the way back could we perhaps listen to some of my 'tunes'."

Cyborg smiled in a brotherly fashion, he couldn't even think about saying no to that face and those big, green eyes.

"Sure thing, Star."

The girl gave a squeal of excitement, and then an exclamation as she noticed where they were pulling into. "We have arrived!"

"Oh yea." Cyborg said, pulling into a parking spot and shutting down his baby.

Starfire zipped out of the T-Car and flew up cheerily to the doors, "It has been too long Mall of Shopping! Far too long!" she spoke to the building and all it's wondrous stores as if they could hear her.

"Glorious is it not Cyborg? … Cyborg?" Starfire turned around with a confused look whenever the large man didn't respond.

"Just a second Starfire." Cyborg threw over his shoulder.

Starfire watched her friend's activities.

He was currently putting up orange cones around the T-Car's parking space. He had locked the doors and windows, even put a bar-lock on the steering wheel. After he finished with the orange cones he set out two caution flares and lit them, their light shining brightly even in the daylight. Lastly the teen pulled out a rain cover from nowhere and set it over his baby, despite the fact that there wasn't a cloud in the sky.

He hugged his baby's hood, rubbing his human cheek on the car "Now don't worry hunny, Daddy's gonna be back in a while. So you be good now! Place nice with the other cars and don't talk to strangers."

Starfire had her arms folded and was tapping her foot… against air, as she floated patiently waiting for her friend.

The bionic teen noticed and reluctantly let go of his car.

"Shall we?" Cyborg asked the floating girl, who brightened considerably at the offer.

"We shall!" she chirped as they entered.

**_H_**

Starfire cooed excitedly as she floated thru the doors, they had entered into a random clothing outlet. She immediately started zipping in and out of the racks of clothes, 'oooh'ing and 'aw'ing at this and that.

Cyborg's human eye widened at the Tamaranean blur. He cast a glance to the nearby clerks behind the counter. One lady eyed Starfire with amused familiarity. The other gave Cyborg a sympathetic glance.

In a rush of bronze, crimson, and lavender Starfire stopped in front of Cyborg, both arms full of various shirts, tank tops, t-shirts, blouses, and skirts. Oh the skirts, not a single pair of pants, just skirts. Denim skirts, plaid skirts, long skirts, short skirts, and a variety of other skirts Cyborg didn't even know existed.

"I have made the first of my possible selections, would you please hold these while I continue with 'the shopping'?"

Cyborg was struck dumb, he lamely opened his mouth and formed a semi-recognizable "Yea."

"Wonderful!" she said as she practically threw the clothes at him and returned to her zipping into and out of clothes racks.

He looked at the two mountains of clothes that, after mere seconds within entering, were already in his arms.

"Possible selections." Cyborg reassured himself, surely she wouldn't buy nearly this much.

"The first of." Cyborg reminded himself.

…

Robin was definitely going to pay him for this.

_**H**_

Back in the day whenever Cyborg had been a fully human Junior, captain of the football team, and high honor roll student back in High School, he had had many girlfriends. So, although he was slightly out of practice, the teen recognized that this situation could be worse.

It had been a total of fifteen minutes and Starfire had scouted the entire clothing outlet, and in the end had come back with three more armfuls of designer and generic clothes. Now, most girls wouldn't have even dreamed of trying on that many clothes, but then again it had only taken minutes as opposed to hours some of his past girlfriends had spent in a single shop.

But, there was a deeply frightening part of the last statement.

_Trying on._

Cyborg sat nervously. She had, friendily, instructed him to wait on the couches outside for her, while she took the veritable mountain of clothing in with her.

Now, Cyborg shouldn't have been nervous. Sure, these were the couches you always saw on movies, the one were the girlfriend comes out in various knockout (and occasionally seductive) outfits and blows the guy away. It'd happened to him various times in his High School days, he knew the routine.

But the thing was, this was _Starfire_. She didn't realize what these couches were meant for. It was an innocent mistake on her part, Cyborg was just being paranoid.

But still, it was awkward for the metal man. This was _Starfire._ _ROBIN'S_ Starfire. Robin, as in the leader of the team and Cyborg's good friend, Robin.

Cyborg felt with almost sick certainty that Robin had sat in this exact same spot on this exact same couch at one time or another.

"Though that tight wearing pansy probably wouldn't have any clue what to do." Cyborg mused to himself, grinning as he pictured a nervous Robin waiting for Starfire to come out of the dressing room.

Cyborg was reassured that Starfire had no intention of doing a model run for him as various 'unselecteds' were dropped in a large pile outside the door by Starfire's bronze skinned hand.

Her arm guards off.

Cyborg didn't mean to, and even his subconscious mind wouldn't have directed him to do so, but from his angle he managed to see down the short corridor and underneath the white, swinging door, there he unwillingly managed to glimpse Starfire's foot and leg up to mid calf before it was cut off by the door.

He gulped.

'_C'mon man, get ahold of yourself.'_ Cyborg told himself, _'This is Starfire, A) she's Robin's B) she's innocent and C) YOU shouldn't even be having those thoughts. You never have before, why now that you just saw her naked leg.'_

Cyborg winced as he thought the last part, glad his own mind hadn't added anymore adjectives.

The teen took in a big breath, and let it out slowly.

Calming himself down.

He smirked, "Jesus, Cy, your loosing it." he laughed at his own paranoia.

That's when the door to Starfire's stall opened, "Cyborg, tell me, how does this look on my person?"

"_Oh God…" _Cyborg whispered underneath his breath in horror.

A long Tamaranean leg stepped out, and much to Cyborg's horror(or perhaps, pleasure) it was covered by a long knee-sock.

'_No no no no no nononono!' _the teen thought to himself jitteringly, eyes shifting back and forth as if looking for an escape route.

He found, none.

Knee socks, knee socks up to the knees, ending at different sections of either leg. The cry of innocence, and simultaneously the cry of 'kinky!' It didn't help that the denim skirt she'd tried on was short enough to make Ron Jeremy blush. She had on a small white t-shirt that hugged her upper body tightly… all in all she looked like every fifteen year olds fantasy girl.

Now, Cyborg was definitely older than that, but he still couldn't help it.

Half of his mind was being brotherly and saying _'Dammit Starfire! You can't wear that! The guys'll be all over you, wanting to do things I won't let them do!'_

Then there was an older part of him, a more baser part of Cyborg, called Victor Stone, that was saying, _'Holy SHIT! I gotta get some of that.'_

Cyborg shook his head, quickly trying to dispel his hormonal thoughts in favor of the brotherly ones.

"Cyborg?" came Starfire's soft, slightly worried voice, "Are you not feeling well?"

The bionic teen snapped out of it, he faced the Tamaranean girl with a smile, "No Star, I'm fine."

"Oh," she said, slightly confounded, but quickly switched to her bright disposition as she repeated her question, "In that case, does this outfit compliment my physique?"

Cyborg managed to restrain himself from shouting out _'DAMN STRAIGHT!'_

"It looks… f-fine on you Starfire. But it might be a little… revealing."

One of her small brows rose and she cocked her head to the side in confusion.

"Y'know… parents might have a heart attack and start blaming you for their kids degeneration instead of video games." he suggested.

The girl nodded understandingly, but slightly frustrated, "Though I respect them, I do not understand your planet's restrictions on physical relations."

As she turned back and started walking back to the dressing room, Cyborg's eyes acted on impulse and stole a glance of her backside, before he could stop himself he uttered, "Me neither."

She turned her head, "What was that, friend Cyborg?"

Realizing what he'd just said he jumped, "N-Nothing Star!"

She gave him a weird look before disappearing back into the dressing room.

…

The mechanical teen let out a breath he was all too aware he'd been holding. He brought up his own heavy metal hand and slapped himself across the face once or twice. "Get a grip, Cyborg! You're like her older brother. What the hell is wrong with you! Don't be some incestuous punk from Arkansas. Get a grip."

Cyborg took another breath and started to cool down, regaining his composure as the pile of turned down outfits steadily began to grow again.

**_H_**

Beast Boy threw his hands up to the ceiling in aggravation, "UGH! I can't beat this stupid game!"

Raven looked up from her reading position on the other side of the couch, her blue-violet eyes barely rising above the top of the book, "The game isn't stupid Beast Boy, the user is."

"Like I haven't heard that one." The changeling retorted, before leaning forward and turning off the Gamestation.

"Hm." Raven responded, returning to her book.

…

A long moment of silence.

…

"Yknow" Beast Boy began, "If this was one of those crappy fan fictions off the internet, we'd probably either A) start confessing our love for one another and then enter a really unneeded sex scene or B) skip all the crap and just enter the sex scene."

"Hm," Raven responded, "But this isn't one of those."

"Yep." Beast Boy said, boredly staring out the window.

…

The changeling leaned forward and turned the Gamestation back on.

**_H_**

It had been a while now, ten minutes at least, and now most of the clothing Starfire had taken in with her were deposited on the floor outside her dressing room.

She was _damn_ fast at this, Cyborg couldn't help but notice. It'd take longer than this for some girls to try on one outfit, the alien girl had gone thru a large stack of them already.

Now, looking on the bright side, this meant she was almost done.

On the bad side, this meant annoyed customers trying to navigate around the mounds of discarded attire.

Cyborg let out a breath, finally calm.

Also on the bright side, Starfire hadn't come out for his opinion again yet.

….

Also on the bad side, Starfire hadn't come out for his opinion again yet.

"Now dammit Vic," Cyborg spoke to himself, "You need to keep them thoughts to yourself."

'_You are keeping those thoughts to yourself, idiot. Not to mention that you're arguing with yourself.'_ The bionic teen thought.

He let his head fall in his hands, "It's a shame it's not some chick so I can just have fun with it… I said I'd go shopping with her, I never said anything about signing up for psychological torture."

The teens mind went back to Raven's words, _'Never again, Cyborg. Never. Again.'_

The phrase made the bionic being dread what lie ahead of this.

The swinging white doors to Starfire's dressing room swung open again and her voice came forth, "I am done with my trying on of the clothings, Cyborg."

He let out a relieved sigh.

But he had done so before the alien finished her statement.

"Except for these last items of clothing." She said as she stepped out and into full view of the bionic teen.

"Is it, 'me'?" the girl asked, smiling sheepishly.

"Girl it's more you than Beyonce." The words slipped loudly out of Cyborg's mouth before his mind had the chance to think. The moment the sentence was uttered he slapped a metal hand over his mouth as if trying to shove the words back down his throat.

The crimson haired femme was too pleased to notice, "I am joyous that you like the outfit Cyborg! I will now go change so we may make the purchases and move onward!"

Cyborg's mind thought grimly, _'How could any guy NOT like her in that outfit.'_

Something the bald teen hadn't seen in the mountain of clothes had made it's way onto Starfire's body, a bikini.

It was about a size too small, so it was actually about the right size. It was the blankest white, which contrasted with her bronze skin almost too well.

The bottom piece tied at the sides, and the straps for the top went up around her neck.

All in all she could've chose a far more revealing bikini, true. But it just looked good on her. Sexy even.

Much to Cyborg's chagrin.

As the door closed and the Tamaranean changed back to her normal uniform, Cyborg spoke to himself again, "If Robin ever hears about this he's going to kill me."

_**H**_

Cyborg stared down at the young woman, "Listen, lady, I don't want any of your perfume!"

"But sir, it's a free sample." The teenage girl said, smiling and looking like she just came straight from a 'Gap' commercial.

"I know!" Cyborg groaned as Starfire flitted about the American Eagle store, going slower in the much smaller store, but still 'ooh'ing and 'aw'ing at the various goods, "We had this conversation twelve times in the past three minutes. I appreciate you trying to pimp your wares, but I'm a seven foot tall, four hundred pound hunk of man and machinery, I _really_ don't need perfume."

The girl looked at him, her expression that was reminiscent of 'does-not-compute', 'Uh…. it is a _free_ sample, sir." She said, her smile brightening hopefully.

Cyborg ran a hand over his bald cranium, "Look, miss, I understand that, and I appreciate the effort but I really don't nee-"

_Tshiish!_

The sound of the perfume spraying interrupted the Teen Titan.

"There!" the clerk smiled wide, "How do you like it sir?"

With a blank, slightly annoyed look on his face he spoke to the clerk, "How do I like the fact that I now smell like a field of flowers and sugar-coated lollipops?"

The clerk nodded at the huge teen with an oblivious smile.

…

Cyborg quickly stole glance to the left and right, making sure no one was watching, and then leaned forward to the young lady and whispered, "I love it, I'll take seven!"

The clerk nodded big, "I thought so!" she said, pleased thoroughly as she scooted off to fill the order.

"Cyborg?" came Starfire's call from across the store.

"Yea?" he said quickly, seriously hoping she had not witnessed the event as she came floating up to him, an article of clothing in her hands.

"What would be the exact meaning of this article of clothing?" the alien girl inquired, holding up a red bikini thong, "With such little material, would it not make more sense to simply go naked?"

Cyborg's human cheek blushed, "I-uh… well. Y'see Starfire… uh."

"Wait one moment." Starfire said, she took a quick sniff of the air.

Another.

…

Her green eyes squinted and she moved a millimeter away from Cyborg, and took a large wiff of the Titan.

"Cyborg?" she started, "Why do you smell like a field of flowers and sugar coated lollipops?"

"I… Uh…. Beast Boy put girly smelling stuff in my shampoo as a prank this morning?" Cyborg pulled the exuse out of his ass.

"Hm." She responded, "Very well." She chirped contentedly.

Cyborg sighed relieved…. He didn't even use shampoo.

"Cyborg, my second stomach is doing the 'growling' for sustenance." Starfire complained, holding her stomach.

He threw an arm around her shoulder and smiled big, in a corny, brotherly voice he announced, "The Princess is hungry! To the Food Court! MAKE WAY!"

Starfire giggled as the cybernetic teen playfully rushed her out of the store.

….

….

After a few moments the young lady clerk came back, "I got your seven bottles of perfume sir-… Sir?"

**_H_**

'_Oh… My… God. How did it get worse?' _Cyborg thought to himself as he sat down at one of the tables in the food court.

His human and mechanical eyes were now wide, his mouth retardedly agape, his double cheese burger with extra grease in his hands, a few inches away from his mouth as he stared.

"Mmm… the sausages of Kielbasa are most pleasing to the taste buds, correct Cyborg?" the Tamaranean asked before she opened her mouth and pulled the oversized hotdog closer to her lips to take another bite.

The Kielbasa was so large it was hardly contained in the tiny hotdog bun that was raped around it. The thick layers of mustard clinged to the warm meat as Starfire took a large bite of it.

A guy off to the left fell out of his seat.

That got Cyborg's attention, and after glancing around he noticed that everyone around them was staring.

The males with rapt attention and a mixed look of intense pleasure and vague disbelief on their faces.

The females with obvious disgust and womanly jealousy.

"Uhh, Starfire, I think we should… relocate." Cyborg said, feeling very, very uncomfortable.

"Why is that Cyborg?" she asked innocently.

He looked over to the girl and was about to answer when he noticed… a glob of mustard starting at the bottom of her lips and traveling down to her chin.

_'Thank God it's not mayo.'_ Was all Cyborg thought before the other ogling males had a chance to notice.

The man to the left, who'd just sat down in his recently upturned chair, fell over again.

One man fainted, his wife looking near murderous.

A six year old boy peed himself.

A pair of passing gay guys turned straight.

… or at least bi.

Over, in front of an hotdog vendor stood two stoners. The tall one with long blond hair and a black stocking cap looked over and saw Starfire's predicament.

"Oh my God. Lunchbox!" he reached over and grabbed his friend, a shorter, slightly larger man in a green overcoat with a backwards ball-cap on his head, "Look at that fine piece of ass working on that penis lookin' thing! Holy Shit Son, I'd pound that nooch in a heartbeat!" he ranted loudly enough for most of the food court to hear.

Most of the guys nodded with agreement.

Cyborg sank down into his chair in embarrassment.

Starfire munch on her Kielbasa and remained oblivious.

The blond stoner looked down at his buddy, "Oh, but wait, that's right you gay, Lunchbox. Nevermind."

The shorter stoner gave the blond one a 'What the hell?' look.

The blond one smirked and slapped his face lightly, "Snoogins."

"Uh, Starfire." Cyborg managed to speak.

"Hm?" she asked.

The bionic teen motion around his own lip and chin, "You got a little somthin'."

"A little something what?" Starfire asked confused.

"On your face."

"Ah! Truly? Where is it at, please removed it from my face Cyborg!" the princess started in a semi-panick.

_'Dammit.'_ He picked up a napkin. "Hold still Starfire." He said to the wriggling alien, trying to get whatever might be on her face off.

She looked at Cyborg with big, worried eyes and pouty lips, not realizing that whatever was on her face wasn't going to do something awful to her. This reaction may have stemmed from the fact that half of tradition Tamaranean food will, if not eaten properly, eat you back.

He reached her chin with the napkin and wiped off the mustard in one swift motion, "There we go." As the large teen sat back down, his metal knee bumped the table hard enough that his own vanilla milkshake shot up and to the middle of the table, the lid popping off and some of it's contents landing on various places on Starfire's bust.

Many more men fainted.

The six year old peed himself again.

A tall, brown haired teen working at a Subway nearby noticed and smiled mischievously.

Women looked an inch away from murder.

A plastic mannequin looked over from one of the window and put a had over her mouth.

_"Yes!"_ came the blond stoner's voice from across the food court, _"Cyborg! You are my HERO!"_

"Maybe coming to the food court was a bad idea." Cyborg said rushedly as he grabbed Starfire's hand and hauled the two of them out of there.

_**H**_

Cyborg leaned against a wall outside a rarely use set of restrooms, Starfire was in the ladies room cleaning up.

"Seriously, Starfire. I am really, really sorry about that!" the mechanical man apologized for the twentieth time.

The Tamaranean's voice came muffled but cheerful thru the door, "Do not worry about it friend! I was done eating anyway, and I was not brought to any harm. Be the sides, it gives me a wonderful excuse to put on one of my new outfits!"

Cyborg just hopped to God it wasn't the bikini.

And, it wasn't. Starfire stepped out of the bathroom not two minutes later wearing the outfit she first showed Cyborg, only in place of the knee socks were her regular boots.

She smiled and him and gave him puppy dog eyes, "Would you please carry the bags again Cyborg?" she asked, lifting the ten or twelve bags of clothes and other assorted thing's she'd bought since they'd been thru the entire mall.

He sighed, tiredly, "Sure thing, princess."

She smiled, "I do believe we are finished with the recreational trip to the mall of shopping."

Cyborg stopped himself from giving a 'boo yah' but he couldn't contain his smile.

Starfire noticed.

_**H**_

Cyborg sat down after putting the orange cones back in the trunk, he looked over and the cute little thing sitting in the passenger's seat next to him, she smiled back at him sweetly.

"Well, Star." He said, happy to be out of the mall, and wondering how the hell Robin managed to do it so often, "We're heading back to the Tower. So go ahead and drop it like its hot."

A small crimson brow rose over one of her green eyes as she cocked her head in confusion.

"On the way up here you asked if you could play your music on the way home."

"Oh! Indeed!" she chirped, remembering. She rummaged thru her things and brought out a burned CD, which she popped into the player.

Queen's _Bohemian Rhapsody_ came thru the speakers.

A wide grin placed itself on Cyborg's face, "Nice! Hah!"

"Cyborg." Starfire said softly.

"Yea." He turned to her as he shifted into reverse.

"I want to thank you for coming with me to the mall today, I know you probably had other things you could have done that were more pleasing and profitable to your person."

"No problem, Star." he dismissed nonchalantly.

The alien girl looked sideways at him, a guilty look on her face as she grasped her hands nervously.

Soon the bronze skinned girl was across from her seat and partially on his, her strong, alien hands on his metal chest, her lips on his, her tongue in his mouth.

Cyborg was caught between _'What the hell?'_ _'Robin's gonna kill me.'_ And _'Well alright!'_

But there was no guilt.

She pulled away from his face with a small, half-moon smile and sparkling, half lidded eyes, "I merely wanted to give thanks, so thanks is given."

Cyborg was now a mixture of flustered, embarrassed, and many other confusing emotions, "Uh… you're w-welcome."

Starfire giggled and plopped back down in her seat with a satisfied smile.

Cyborg quickly threw it into gear and sped off towards the Tower.

_**H**_

It was late in the evening, and Cyborg was alone in the Main Room, watching TV and going over the horrific events of the day in his mind.

"I warned you, Cyborg." Came a throaty voice behind him.

Snapped from his terrified reverie, he responded, "Yea, yea. Start gloating while you can Rae. A) I'm sure I had it worse than you did and B) My life may be in danger."

Raven floated herself down on the couch next to Cyborg, "So, how bad was it?'

"Bad."

"What all happened." It wasn't a question.

"Bikinis, perfume, kielbasa sausages, and vanilla milkshakes along with various other inappropriate hijinx." Cyborg said in a defeated tone.

Raven cast her glance dismissively towards the TV, "You didn't have it that bad."

The quip let out Cyborg's secret, "She fucking glomped me in the T-Car, Rae! Seriously, I'm backing up, thinkin' it's over. And she comes and sticks her tongue down my throat! It's so wrong! She's Robin's girl, and I'm Robin's friend. Not to mention the fact that she's like a sister to me."

Raven rose a purple brow, "Then how do you think I felt when it happened?" She said in a sympathizing tone.

Cyborg gave the mystic girl a 'Are you saying what I think you're saying?' look.

"Yes, Cyborg. Starfire is very, personal… very, well- Beast Boy would probably say 'touch-y feel-y' with her 'thank you's. I think it has something to do with the fact that they're very, physical on her home planet."

Cyborg sat there in shock, "She second based you?"

Raven's monotone gained a hint of menace, "The only reason I'm telling you is because you told me, and if you tell anyone not only with I tell Robin but I'll personally castrate whatever manhood you have left."

"OK girl! Jeeze Raven just calm down! I understand, I think we had a similar situation here."

Raven calmed down, "Indeed."

…

…

The TV babbled on.

…

…

"Did you like?" Cyborg asked mischievously.

"Did you?" replied Raven.

A blush came to Cyborg's face, "Well actually-"

"Don't answer that, please, just. Don't answer that." Raven said, covering her face with her hand and shaking her head.

"Heheheh."

…

…

….

"So, where do you think she kisses Robin to say thank you?"

"Cyborg, Shut UP!"


End file.
